April and May 2014

July 14, 2014

It's been awhile...

While I've still been taking plenty of pictures, I just haven't been up to editing and posting - but I'll slowly get back into it.

We're adjusting and settling into our new "normal" as best as we can, and while all of us still have bad days, I think the good ones are starting to outweigh the bad. I just keep reminding myself that it's only been 2 months, and that things will get easier. One day, I will find peace again in my soul.

We talk to the kids about their Papaw a lot, and they're still full of questions, which we answer as best as we can...but I think we're always going to have questions that will never be answered. It's the what ifs and whys that we can't help but think about, and that still bring us a lot of pain. Our kids have a way of asking really really hard questions, especially my deep thinker Mason.
Several times I've stopped myself mid-sentence from saying "Oh my gosh, you're gonna give me a heart attack!" because the one time I did say it, I saw the instant panic on his face. I hate that such a simple little saying does this to my boy.

We've worked hard for the life we have made for us and our children fill us with joy, but daily I still wonder, "What is this all for?" In a hundred years, none of this will matter and we'll all be forgotten, but I'm trying to keep my faith in God and understand that there is a bigger plan. Some days though, it's just hard to do that. I feel like we're just a bunch of ants running around our little anthill, and at any moment something or someone bigger than us is just going to smash our whole little world.

Recently our yard was completely seeded (a lawn package we didn't pay for) and our grass is starting to grow. This was something we had planned on doing with my Dad, and I absolutely believe he was up there in heaven leading the project. I know he would be so proud of the projects we're getting accomplished on our own! While he did so much for us, we are also realizing that he taught us a lot as well.

To sum it up...Life is unfair.
It shouldn't have been this way. Simple as that.
But we'll go on the best way we can - and try to have faith that better things are one day waiting for us.

So here's our spring, and the remaining pictures I got around to editing from our last family vacation as a whole family unit. And while looking at them brings me sadness, they also make me really really happy :)